We're moving! Or at least I am.
The new headquarters for this bullshit operation is my Tumblr.
Its easier for a million different reasons and its updated far more regularly. Not to say I'm not using the blogspot anymore. Whenever I have something long winded to shout about it'll be posted here and I'm sure that'll happen from time to time but the day to day business will be done elsewhere.
Stay in the loop by following everything. God knows you need to know what I'm thinking at all times.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
The Talented Can Suck It
You know who you are. You're making us feel bad about ourselves and I'll politely ask that you knock it the fuck off.
You see them everywhere-TV, billboards, magazines. Talented people. Sure, they seem harmless enough. All they're doing is excelling in music or art or science or medicine and fucking up my day because I'm bad at all of those things. I'll try, but that doesn't mean I'll ever be any good and in this day and age that is just unacceptable.
We are all God's special children/unique snowflakes/can beat up your honor student. Failure is not an option and I don't see why I should change. Its not my fault that these people are so talented. They should keep it to themselves.
Wikipedia is the key source of my frustration. Before Wikipedia you had to search all over the place for information and who had the time? It was the go-go 90s, we had worthless stock to buy. But then came the 2000s, the decade of "Mission Accomplished." That meant we had plenty of free time to sit around and edit a free online encyclopedia which was chock full of soul crushing information. I'll provide an example:
"Wow, Random Actor X was accepted into Tisch at 16. Wow, Baseball Player Y had three World Series rings by age 24. This really puts my job snaking toilets at the retirement home at age 33 into perspective."
That's detrimental to peoples self esteem and we just can't have that. We're trying to get this country back on its feet, get the economy out of the dumps. We need movers and shakers, not people feeling bad about themselves. People who are good at things just need to stop doing those things on camera for the greater good. Having something to aspire to only serves as a remind of what we will never be: important. We need to live in a vacuum where we're rewarded for our delusions. If I think I'm the hard boiled egg eating champion of New Jersey, I must be. I don't see anyone better. Or for that matter, someone telling me that stupid shit like that doesn't matter.
Life is about feeling good and the people who make themselves feel good by doing allegedy "great" and "socially acceptable" things should stop. We all just want our time in the sun, even if that sun is the unwelcome glow of a police helicopter spotlight bearing down on us because we just kidney punched Stephanie Pratt because we feel that we're more deserving of being famous for nothing.
None of this is about me though. Why do you think my posts are so few and far between? I don't want the shitty bloggers feeling down on themselves, obviously. Duh.
You see them everywhere-TV, billboards, magazines. Talented people. Sure, they seem harmless enough. All they're doing is excelling in music or art or science or medicine and fucking up my day because I'm bad at all of those things. I'll try, but that doesn't mean I'll ever be any good and in this day and age that is just unacceptable.
We are all God's special children/unique snowflakes/can beat up your honor student. Failure is not an option and I don't see why I should change. Its not my fault that these people are so talented. They should keep it to themselves.
Wikipedia is the key source of my frustration. Before Wikipedia you had to search all over the place for information and who had the time? It was the go-go 90s, we had worthless stock to buy. But then came the 2000s, the decade of "Mission Accomplished." That meant we had plenty of free time to sit around and edit a free online encyclopedia which was chock full of soul crushing information. I'll provide an example:
"Wow, Random Actor X was accepted into Tisch at 16. Wow, Baseball Player Y had three World Series rings by age 24. This really puts my job snaking toilets at the retirement home at age 33 into perspective."
That's detrimental to peoples self esteem and we just can't have that. We're trying to get this country back on its feet, get the economy out of the dumps. We need movers and shakers, not people feeling bad about themselves. People who are good at things just need to stop doing those things on camera for the greater good. Having something to aspire to only serves as a remind of what we will never be: important. We need to live in a vacuum where we're rewarded for our delusions. If I think I'm the hard boiled egg eating champion of New Jersey, I must be. I don't see anyone better. Or for that matter, someone telling me that stupid shit like that doesn't matter.
Life is about feeling good and the people who make themselves feel good by doing allegedy "great" and "socially acceptable" things should stop. We all just want our time in the sun, even if that sun is the unwelcome glow of a police helicopter spotlight bearing down on us because we just kidney punched Stephanie Pratt because we feel that we're more deserving of being famous for nothing.
None of this is about me though. Why do you think my posts are so few and far between? I don't want the shitty bloggers feeling down on themselves, obviously. Duh.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Your Business Is My Business. Keep Out Of It.
Admit it. You're terrified.
You see it everyday. New applications promising to finally let you see who is viewing your profile. Finally, you can expose all those creepy Facebook stalkers hellbent on looking at your pictures and being generally harmless. They'll see their name on a list you post and be embarrassed because they met you at a party last month, you haven't spoken since and they're third on said list. A great victory for you. Everything is going great and then...tragedy strikes.
It happens to you.
We're all creepy and we all have our reasons. None of us want to be exposed as the weirdos we are. As a unit, we all need to resist temptation and pass on our chances to out our stalkers for the greater good.
Girls, you're well aware of what you're doing. It was your decision to show that much cleavage. Its your profile picture. Don't try to play the victim here and don't try to make me feel bad for staring. You're benefiting from it too. You know, "that whore"? The one fucking the guy you're trying to fuck? How would you feel if she knew you were looking at her pictures every waking moment, using them to convince yourself that she is the scum of the earth? Most importantly, he wasn't too interested in you anyway. He's stalking your friend, she drinks a lot more and takes way sluttier pictures.
Guys, we stand to lose a lot here. Facebook has given us the chance to do what we try to do in public but the angry stares we get in return have held us to quick glances and nothing more. You made a bold decision adding her on Facebook. It was hard trying to see her last name when the bartender handed her ID back to her, but you did it. She doesn't know how you found her online but accepts the friend request all the same because there are still some junior year of high school, MySpace friend collection instincts left. You're never going to talk to her again, so whats the harm here? Ladies, must you publicly embarrass this man? He's lonely and defeated enough to do this kind of thing, don't take that away.
It could get out of hand in a hurry. Soon we'll be able to see who is looking at your profile in real time and its only going to make you uncomfortable. Why has the weird guy from your last job been looking your the picture of you licking your sorority sisters face for the last 17 minutes? Why has your ex-girlfriend been looking at you and your new girlfriends vacation album while listening to empowering break up song X(it shows you song selection as well for that extra shame factor).
All I'm saying is that its a slippery slope. The great joy of the internet is that you can do near anything anonymously. We're living in a post 2 Girls/1 cup world, we've all found our own nasty little niche. Embrace the fact that you need to spy on other people lives in order to feel better/worse about yourself. Its human nature, we're all creepy.
Oh, and in case you're reading, you probably don't remember me, but your ass looks AMAZING.
You see it everyday. New applications promising to finally let you see who is viewing your profile. Finally, you can expose all those creepy Facebook stalkers hellbent on looking at your pictures and being generally harmless. They'll see their name on a list you post and be embarrassed because they met you at a party last month, you haven't spoken since and they're third on said list. A great victory for you. Everything is going great and then...tragedy strikes.
It happens to you.
We're all creepy and we all have our reasons. None of us want to be exposed as the weirdos we are. As a unit, we all need to resist temptation and pass on our chances to out our stalkers for the greater good.
Girls, you're well aware of what you're doing. It was your decision to show that much cleavage. Its your profile picture. Don't try to play the victim here and don't try to make me feel bad for staring. You're benefiting from it too. You know, "that whore"? The one fucking the guy you're trying to fuck? How would you feel if she knew you were looking at her pictures every waking moment, using them to convince yourself that she is the scum of the earth? Most importantly, he wasn't too interested in you anyway. He's stalking your friend, she drinks a lot more and takes way sluttier pictures.
Guys, we stand to lose a lot here. Facebook has given us the chance to do what we try to do in public but the angry stares we get in return have held us to quick glances and nothing more. You made a bold decision adding her on Facebook. It was hard trying to see her last name when the bartender handed her ID back to her, but you did it. She doesn't know how you found her online but accepts the friend request all the same because there are still some junior year of high school, MySpace friend collection instincts left. You're never going to talk to her again, so whats the harm here? Ladies, must you publicly embarrass this man? He's lonely and defeated enough to do this kind of thing, don't take that away.
It could get out of hand in a hurry. Soon we'll be able to see who is looking at your profile in real time and its only going to make you uncomfortable. Why has the weird guy from your last job been looking your the picture of you licking your sorority sisters face for the last 17 minutes? Why has your ex-girlfriend been looking at you and your new girlfriends vacation album while listening to empowering break up song X(it shows you song selection as well for that extra shame factor).
All I'm saying is that its a slippery slope. The great joy of the internet is that you can do near anything anonymously. We're living in a post 2 Girls/1 cup world, we've all found our own nasty little niche. Embrace the fact that you need to spy on other people lives in order to feel better/worse about yourself. Its human nature, we're all creepy.
Oh, and in case you're reading, you probably don't remember me, but your ass looks AMAZING.
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