We're moving! Or at least I am.
The new headquarters for this bullshit operation is my Tumblr.
Its easier for a million different reasons and its updated far more regularly. Not to say I'm not using the blogspot anymore. Whenever I have something long winded to shout about it'll be posted here and I'm sure that'll happen from time to time but the day to day business will be done elsewhere.
Stay in the loop by following everything. God knows you need to know what I'm thinking at all times.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
The Talented Can Suck It
You know who you are. You're making us feel bad about ourselves and I'll politely ask that you knock it the fuck off.
You see them everywhere-TV, billboards, magazines. Talented people. Sure, they seem harmless enough. All they're doing is excelling in music or art or science or medicine and fucking up my day because I'm bad at all of those things. I'll try, but that doesn't mean I'll ever be any good and in this day and age that is just unacceptable.
We are all God's special children/unique snowflakes/can beat up your honor student. Failure is not an option and I don't see why I should change. Its not my fault that these people are so talented. They should keep it to themselves.
Wikipedia is the key source of my frustration. Before Wikipedia you had to search all over the place for information and who had the time? It was the go-go 90s, we had worthless stock to buy. But then came the 2000s, the decade of "Mission Accomplished." That meant we had plenty of free time to sit around and edit a free online encyclopedia which was chock full of soul crushing information. I'll provide an example:
"Wow, Random Actor X was accepted into Tisch at 16. Wow, Baseball Player Y had three World Series rings by age 24. This really puts my job snaking toilets at the retirement home at age 33 into perspective."
That's detrimental to peoples self esteem and we just can't have that. We're trying to get this country back on its feet, get the economy out of the dumps. We need movers and shakers, not people feeling bad about themselves. People who are good at things just need to stop doing those things on camera for the greater good. Having something to aspire to only serves as a remind of what we will never be: important. We need to live in a vacuum where we're rewarded for our delusions. If I think I'm the hard boiled egg eating champion of New Jersey, I must be. I don't see anyone better. Or for that matter, someone telling me that stupid shit like that doesn't matter.
Life is about feeling good and the people who make themselves feel good by doing allegedy "great" and "socially acceptable" things should stop. We all just want our time in the sun, even if that sun is the unwelcome glow of a police helicopter spotlight bearing down on us because we just kidney punched Stephanie Pratt because we feel that we're more deserving of being famous for nothing.
None of this is about me though. Why do you think my posts are so few and far between? I don't want the shitty bloggers feeling down on themselves, obviously. Duh.
You see them everywhere-TV, billboards, magazines. Talented people. Sure, they seem harmless enough. All they're doing is excelling in music or art or science or medicine and fucking up my day because I'm bad at all of those things. I'll try, but that doesn't mean I'll ever be any good and in this day and age that is just unacceptable.
We are all God's special children/unique snowflakes/can beat up your honor student. Failure is not an option and I don't see why I should change. Its not my fault that these people are so talented. They should keep it to themselves.
Wikipedia is the key source of my frustration. Before Wikipedia you had to search all over the place for information and who had the time? It was the go-go 90s, we had worthless stock to buy. But then came the 2000s, the decade of "Mission Accomplished." That meant we had plenty of free time to sit around and edit a free online encyclopedia which was chock full of soul crushing information. I'll provide an example:
"Wow, Random Actor X was accepted into Tisch at 16. Wow, Baseball Player Y had three World Series rings by age 24. This really puts my job snaking toilets at the retirement home at age 33 into perspective."
That's detrimental to peoples self esteem and we just can't have that. We're trying to get this country back on its feet, get the economy out of the dumps. We need movers and shakers, not people feeling bad about themselves. People who are good at things just need to stop doing those things on camera for the greater good. Having something to aspire to only serves as a remind of what we will never be: important. We need to live in a vacuum where we're rewarded for our delusions. If I think I'm the hard boiled egg eating champion of New Jersey, I must be. I don't see anyone better. Or for that matter, someone telling me that stupid shit like that doesn't matter.
Life is about feeling good and the people who make themselves feel good by doing allegedy "great" and "socially acceptable" things should stop. We all just want our time in the sun, even if that sun is the unwelcome glow of a police helicopter spotlight bearing down on us because we just kidney punched Stephanie Pratt because we feel that we're more deserving of being famous for nothing.
None of this is about me though. Why do you think my posts are so few and far between? I don't want the shitty bloggers feeling down on themselves, obviously. Duh.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Your Business Is My Business. Keep Out Of It.
Admit it. You're terrified.
You see it everyday. New applications promising to finally let you see who is viewing your profile. Finally, you can expose all those creepy Facebook stalkers hellbent on looking at your pictures and being generally harmless. They'll see their name on a list you post and be embarrassed because they met you at a party last month, you haven't spoken since and they're third on said list. A great victory for you. Everything is going great and then...tragedy strikes.
It happens to you.
We're all creepy and we all have our reasons. None of us want to be exposed as the weirdos we are. As a unit, we all need to resist temptation and pass on our chances to out our stalkers for the greater good.
Girls, you're well aware of what you're doing. It was your decision to show that much cleavage. Its your profile picture. Don't try to play the victim here and don't try to make me feel bad for staring. You're benefiting from it too. You know, "that whore"? The one fucking the guy you're trying to fuck? How would you feel if she knew you were looking at her pictures every waking moment, using them to convince yourself that she is the scum of the earth? Most importantly, he wasn't too interested in you anyway. He's stalking your friend, she drinks a lot more and takes way sluttier pictures.
Guys, we stand to lose a lot here. Facebook has given us the chance to do what we try to do in public but the angry stares we get in return have held us to quick glances and nothing more. You made a bold decision adding her on Facebook. It was hard trying to see her last name when the bartender handed her ID back to her, but you did it. She doesn't know how you found her online but accepts the friend request all the same because there are still some junior year of high school, MySpace friend collection instincts left. You're never going to talk to her again, so whats the harm here? Ladies, must you publicly embarrass this man? He's lonely and defeated enough to do this kind of thing, don't take that away.
It could get out of hand in a hurry. Soon we'll be able to see who is looking at your profile in real time and its only going to make you uncomfortable. Why has the weird guy from your last job been looking your the picture of you licking your sorority sisters face for the last 17 minutes? Why has your ex-girlfriend been looking at you and your new girlfriends vacation album while listening to empowering break up song X(it shows you song selection as well for that extra shame factor).
All I'm saying is that its a slippery slope. The great joy of the internet is that you can do near anything anonymously. We're living in a post 2 Girls/1 cup world, we've all found our own nasty little niche. Embrace the fact that you need to spy on other people lives in order to feel better/worse about yourself. Its human nature, we're all creepy.
Oh, and in case you're reading, you probably don't remember me, but your ass looks AMAZING.
You see it everyday. New applications promising to finally let you see who is viewing your profile. Finally, you can expose all those creepy Facebook stalkers hellbent on looking at your pictures and being generally harmless. They'll see their name on a list you post and be embarrassed because they met you at a party last month, you haven't spoken since and they're third on said list. A great victory for you. Everything is going great and then...tragedy strikes.
It happens to you.
We're all creepy and we all have our reasons. None of us want to be exposed as the weirdos we are. As a unit, we all need to resist temptation and pass on our chances to out our stalkers for the greater good.
Girls, you're well aware of what you're doing. It was your decision to show that much cleavage. Its your profile picture. Don't try to play the victim here and don't try to make me feel bad for staring. You're benefiting from it too. You know, "that whore"? The one fucking the guy you're trying to fuck? How would you feel if she knew you were looking at her pictures every waking moment, using them to convince yourself that she is the scum of the earth? Most importantly, he wasn't too interested in you anyway. He's stalking your friend, she drinks a lot more and takes way sluttier pictures.
Guys, we stand to lose a lot here. Facebook has given us the chance to do what we try to do in public but the angry stares we get in return have held us to quick glances and nothing more. You made a bold decision adding her on Facebook. It was hard trying to see her last name when the bartender handed her ID back to her, but you did it. She doesn't know how you found her online but accepts the friend request all the same because there are still some junior year of high school, MySpace friend collection instincts left. You're never going to talk to her again, so whats the harm here? Ladies, must you publicly embarrass this man? He's lonely and defeated enough to do this kind of thing, don't take that away.
It could get out of hand in a hurry. Soon we'll be able to see who is looking at your profile in real time and its only going to make you uncomfortable. Why has the weird guy from your last job been looking your the picture of you licking your sorority sisters face for the last 17 minutes? Why has your ex-girlfriend been looking at you and your new girlfriends vacation album while listening to empowering break up song X(it shows you song selection as well for that extra shame factor).
All I'm saying is that its a slippery slope. The great joy of the internet is that you can do near anything anonymously. We're living in a post 2 Girls/1 cup world, we've all found our own nasty little niche. Embrace the fact that you need to spy on other people lives in order to feel better/worse about yourself. Its human nature, we're all creepy.
Oh, and in case you're reading, you probably don't remember me, but your ass looks AMAZING.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Adverts
I like how the British say commercial, but thats not why I've brought you here today. Something made me really angry.
I'm not breaking any new ground here when I say I hate the Mac vs. PC commercials. People have bitched about them for years and they've been parodied in unfunny parodies since day one. The most recent one bothers me the most. John Hodgman(hilarious) brings in Patrick Warburton(hilarious) and shows him off to random customer bitch X. He is the top of the line PC. But he has problems, as all PCs do, so she turns him down in favor of Justin Long. The smug, ugly, untalented douchebag who feels that fucking that chew talking bitch Drew Barrymore is even remotely acceptable.
K-Mart has invented the word "Blingatutde." I think that's how they're spelling it. Either way, its tweens in bedazzled jeans strutting around their middle school math class looking like a bunch of bitchy whores. Even though they're impressionable at that age, I'm sure no kid thinks the clothes at K-Mart are cool and I feel bad for them when their confused mothers take them there and say "Its what all the other kids are wearing!."
And lastly, T Mobile needs to get their shit together. They have Whoopi Goldberg, Phil Jackson and Jesse James in their ad for the new G1. This is up against the iPhone and thats the best line up you can give me? Did the unemployed, albeit still pretty hot Catherine Zeta-Jones turn this one down? I think I'm in the minority by being able to name those three people. Just goes to show how closely I follow basketball, reality shows and women's morning TV.
I refuse to believe Audrina Patridge was unavailable.
I'm not breaking any new ground here when I say I hate the Mac vs. PC commercials. People have bitched about them for years and they've been parodied in unfunny parodies since day one. The most recent one bothers me the most. John Hodgman(hilarious) brings in Patrick Warburton(hilarious) and shows him off to random customer bitch X. He is the top of the line PC. But he has problems, as all PCs do, so she turns him down in favor of Justin Long. The smug, ugly, untalented douchebag who feels that fucking that chew talking bitch Drew Barrymore is even remotely acceptable.
K-Mart has invented the word "Blingatutde." I think that's how they're spelling it. Either way, its tweens in bedazzled jeans strutting around their middle school math class looking like a bunch of bitchy whores. Even though they're impressionable at that age, I'm sure no kid thinks the clothes at K-Mart are cool and I feel bad for them when their confused mothers take them there and say "Its what all the other kids are wearing!."
And lastly, T Mobile needs to get their shit together. They have Whoopi Goldberg, Phil Jackson and Jesse James in their ad for the new G1. This is up against the iPhone and thats the best line up you can give me? Did the unemployed, albeit still pretty hot Catherine Zeta-Jones turn this one down? I think I'm in the minority by being able to name those three people. Just goes to show how closely I follow basketball, reality shows and women's morning TV.
I refuse to believe Audrina Patridge was unavailable.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Let The Hate Flow Through You
After vomiting a bunch of misery onto the page yesterday I feel the need to do what I do best, talk shit about other things in order to feel better about myself.
I'm not upset about anything specifically so I'll need to invent something. My coffee is cold. Fuck you, Obama. (its as reasonable as the other shit hes blamed for)
So my financial situation sucks, this couch really hurts my back, I think I have arm cancer(first recorded case) and I would bitch about how out of shape I am but looking at the stretch marks on the black girls arm on More To Love makes me feel anorexic by comparison. I went generic there because the first two references that came into my head were holocaust survivor and Calista Flockhart. One shouldn't be joked about and the other isn't very timely. Seriously, Calista had a serious problem. It was no laughing matter.
Where to go from here? I'll tell you! Pretend you're someone else. I discussed this with a co-worker today. I never went to proper college so I missed out on all the hilarious shit that goes on while missing out on the tedious shit such as classes. Luckily, I'm still of college age so its appropriate to hang out there. All the freshman will be moving in at Rutgers soon and now is the time to strike.
I can impress endless amounts of naive, overwhelmed 18 year old girls with a good act. Precocious hedge fund manager? Independently wealthy orphan? Drummer from band she's never heard of that "toured with Green Day?" All are possible. I like taking the business angle. Pretend to be an inventor. Adam Carolla talks about knowing you've made it when you can say "That's me."
You: "Are you familiar with Solo cups?
Girl, holding a Solo cup: "Well, yeah."
You: "That's me."
Now I worry about the girl being able to fact check. iPhones fuck with everything now. But she's probably too drunk to think about it, if she hasn't lost her phone by this point. This idea can definitely work if you've got enough friends willing to back you up and a hot female friend to come ask for a picture with you, the sausage king of Mercer County(double entendre!).
Now if only I weren't such a pussy...
I'm not upset about anything specifically so I'll need to invent something. My coffee is cold. Fuck you, Obama. (its as reasonable as the other shit hes blamed for)
So my financial situation sucks, this couch really hurts my back, I think I have arm cancer(first recorded case) and I would bitch about how out of shape I am but looking at the stretch marks on the black girls arm on More To Love makes me feel anorexic by comparison. I went generic there because the first two references that came into my head were holocaust survivor and Calista Flockhart. One shouldn't be joked about and the other isn't very timely. Seriously, Calista had a serious problem. It was no laughing matter.
Where to go from here? I'll tell you! Pretend you're someone else. I discussed this with a co-worker today. I never went to proper college so I missed out on all the hilarious shit that goes on while missing out on the tedious shit such as classes. Luckily, I'm still of college age so its appropriate to hang out there. All the freshman will be moving in at Rutgers soon and now is the time to strike.
I can impress endless amounts of naive, overwhelmed 18 year old girls with a good act. Precocious hedge fund manager? Independently wealthy orphan? Drummer from band she's never heard of that "toured with Green Day?" All are possible. I like taking the business angle. Pretend to be an inventor. Adam Carolla talks about knowing you've made it when you can say "That's me."
You: "Are you familiar with Solo cups?
Girl, holding a Solo cup: "Well, yeah."
You: "That's me."
Now I worry about the girl being able to fact check. iPhones fuck with everything now. But she's probably too drunk to think about it, if she hasn't lost her phone by this point. This idea can definitely work if you've got enough friends willing to back you up and a hot female friend to come ask for a picture with you, the sausage king of Mercer County(double entendre!).
Now if only I weren't such a pussy...
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Devil without a cause, and I'm back with the beaver hats and Ben Davis slacks.
I make a lot of promises. I have a nasty habit of saying I'm going to do this and this and this and then proceed to do nothing. With that in mind, I will now talk about my plans.
First of all, the blog is now crazy marketable because I've taken the word "cunt" out of the title. Not like I'm trying to make money off of this but some people find it needless. So voluntarily forced to change it I went with a Brooker reference as he does these things better than I. I think the only reason I'm writing this now is because I've been watching so much Screenwipe. As a matter of fact, I'm typing in his voice. Does this mean I have no creativity or mind of my own? Potentially. But who cares? You don't even know who he is so its new to you. Ideally you become an original product of your influences. You hear a lot of Stooges influence when you listen to Fucked Up, but their sound is unmistakably theirs.
But heres why I'm writing again: I just feel like talking. I've had no outlet, and while I don't think most of what I have to say is worth hearing, I do have my flashes of brilliance. Writing angry tweets and Facebook comments and then waiting for someone to open the door for my screaming doesn't get the best results. Say something incendiary, someone responds, drop the hammer. No one cares for it but me. So I'm just going to write and see what happens. No gimmicks or countdowns or bringing in an army of writers. No tedious talking down to the audience that I don't have. I have my opinions and I'd like to share them with whoever is willing to listen. You're free to come and go as you'd like. My life doesn't depend on readers.
And while this is in the vein of what I want to be known for to some extent, I don't need to worry about it being perfect. This is practice, me working things out. Its what you're willing to do for free that gets you ahead. I hate to even suggest that this blog could turn into anything more than a soapbox for over the top vitriol but if Perez Hilton made a career out of it, anything is possible. Now hes hanging out with Katy Perry. Not that I'd really want that. She seems painfully unfunny and has a stupid face. Though I doubt she'd be too interested in me either, what with my paleness and stammering and constant look of misery. So Katy Perry and I hate each other. Its been decided. My first celebrity feud. Its only uphill from here.
First of all, the blog is now crazy marketable because I've taken the word "cunt" out of the title. Not like I'm trying to make money off of this but some people find it needless. So voluntarily forced to change it I went with a Brooker reference as he does these things better than I. I think the only reason I'm writing this now is because I've been watching so much Screenwipe. As a matter of fact, I'm typing in his voice. Does this mean I have no creativity or mind of my own? Potentially. But who cares? You don't even know who he is so its new to you. Ideally you become an original product of your influences. You hear a lot of Stooges influence when you listen to Fucked Up, but their sound is unmistakably theirs.
But heres why I'm writing again: I just feel like talking. I've had no outlet, and while I don't think most of what I have to say is worth hearing, I do have my flashes of brilliance. Writing angry tweets and Facebook comments and then waiting for someone to open the door for my screaming doesn't get the best results. Say something incendiary, someone responds, drop the hammer. No one cares for it but me. So I'm just going to write and see what happens. No gimmicks or countdowns or bringing in an army of writers. No tedious talking down to the audience that I don't have. I have my opinions and I'd like to share them with whoever is willing to listen. You're free to come and go as you'd like. My life doesn't depend on readers.
And while this is in the vein of what I want to be known for to some extent, I don't need to worry about it being perfect. This is practice, me working things out. Its what you're willing to do for free that gets you ahead. I hate to even suggest that this blog could turn into anything more than a soapbox for over the top vitriol but if Perez Hilton made a career out of it, anything is possible. Now hes hanging out with Katy Perry. Not that I'd really want that. She seems painfully unfunny and has a stupid face. Though I doubt she'd be too interested in me either, what with my paleness and stammering and constant look of misery. So Katy Perry and I hate each other. Its been decided. My first celebrity feud. Its only uphill from here.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Running Diary
Where are the Twitter users? Are there any?
I haven't had much to say anyway.
So.
(15 minute pause)
I have very little to say. I have a lot to complain about but nothing really interesting or funny. I'll complain about using the word "complain." If I were to say "Today I'm complaining about..." this would come across as gimmicky bullshit. I mean, it is, but then it would be on the level of "You know what really grinds my gears?" or for a real life example, John Stossel.
I just referenced Family Guy. I'm watching my hipster credibility burn in front of me. And right now I'm watching Dane Cook: Isolated Incident. It came on after the Colbert Report, I didn't have the remote. I will watch with an open mind and actually try to laugh. So heres an idea, a running diary.
12:00 - Show begins. Dane talks about Obama. He's speaking really fast and just saying he likes the name "Barack Obama."
12:04 - Still on Obama, likes that hes a tech president. Really hasn't told a joke yet...
12:05 - First commercial. Everyone seemed to be laughing and I don't know why. I haven't set out to hate this. I hate Dane Cook and all that he stands for, but he has to be SORT OF funny. I mean, everything has some redeeming quality.
Everyone seems to love him and we actually hear about it on a daily basis. Compare this to the musical equivalent of Dane Cook, Nickelback. They're as popular as any rock band in the world, but do you know anyone that likes them? I have never met a Nickelback fan.
12:08 - Dane is talking about deleting names out of his phone to clear up space. George Carlin did this bit much better in "Its Bad For Ya"
12:09 - Hes talking to a girl in the audience who may or may not be Anna Faris.
12:11 - Dead mom humor. Not like, funny dead mom humor though.
12:14 - Hes talking about the haters. Hes talking about all the hate sites and as he says "theres like 87 Dane Cook Sucks sites" and the crowd is booing and making the sounds you'd make if you were there when someone who like leads your villiage or underground resistance group offered to sacrifice themself for the good of the people.
12:18 - Alright, I like the way he dealt with hatemail. Long story short, a guy told Dane his parents died to get away from his shitty comedy and then when the haters dad got a brain tumor he apologized. Dane wrote back to him saying "Your dad got a brain tumor because he was sick of his alcoholic, jobless, spineless shitty son."
He's so edgy!
This is something Louis C.K. would have done better. His audience probably thought that was so shocking and brutal because they're completely unfamiliar with Louis C.K., Jim Norton, The Opie and Anthony show, et cetera.
12:27 - Women are crazy lolol!!1!
12:29 - As hes saying nothing worth mentioning, I'll point out that he looks to be in fine shape. Dana Gould said in an interview the other day that hes never understood the "cool" comics. No one should ever be talking about a comics delts.
12:35 - He says hes put a remote in a girls vagina. For comedic effect(imagine that), I won't explain the context.
12:39 - "So I was masturbating violently the other day." This would be funnier to me if I weren't so dissensitized to a guy talking about masturbating given how much I listen to Adam Carolla.
12:43 - Hes got a solid yelling voice, I'll give him that. His intensity is intense, even though it falls short of being funny.
12:44 - Grilled Chicken Burrito at Taco Bell. 89 cents. Yes.
12:48 - Actual funny story about him and his ex-girlfriend role playing by acting out a horror movie. Ends with a "now you hang up" line that has been used...a lot.
12:50 - First thing I've really laughed at, a commerical for "UP." An old man in an argument with a massive fictional bird. Comedy Gold.
12:53 - Dane discusses YouPorn. He makes a good point about it, mentioning that the titles of the videos are insane. I personally find YouPorn to have the most poorly lit, poorly shot, disgusting videos on the entire internet. There are better sites. I like Tube8. Less catchy name. YouPorn is only popular because of the name. Its not even that good of a name, it doesnt even rhyme with tube. Its like people who hate bands and try to force "gay" into the band name even though it makes no sense. Avenged Sevengay.
1:00 - While I was writing that last paragraph I missed the rest of what he was talking about. I'm pretty sure it doesn't matter. Futurama is on. All if right with the world.
I haven't had much to say anyway.
So.
(15 minute pause)
I have very little to say. I have a lot to complain about but nothing really interesting or funny. I'll complain about using the word "complain." If I were to say "Today I'm complaining about..." this would come across as gimmicky bullshit. I mean, it is, but then it would be on the level of "You know what really grinds my gears?" or for a real life example, John Stossel.
I just referenced Family Guy. I'm watching my hipster credibility burn in front of me. And right now I'm watching Dane Cook: Isolated Incident. It came on after the Colbert Report, I didn't have the remote. I will watch with an open mind and actually try to laugh. So heres an idea, a running diary.
12:00 - Show begins. Dane talks about Obama. He's speaking really fast and just saying he likes the name "Barack Obama."
12:04 - Still on Obama, likes that hes a tech president. Really hasn't told a joke yet...
12:05 - First commercial. Everyone seemed to be laughing and I don't know why. I haven't set out to hate this. I hate Dane Cook and all that he stands for, but he has to be SORT OF funny. I mean, everything has some redeeming quality.
Everyone seems to love him and we actually hear about it on a daily basis. Compare this to the musical equivalent of Dane Cook, Nickelback. They're as popular as any rock band in the world, but do you know anyone that likes them? I have never met a Nickelback fan.
12:08 - Dane is talking about deleting names out of his phone to clear up space. George Carlin did this bit much better in "Its Bad For Ya"
12:09 - Hes talking to a girl in the audience who may or may not be Anna Faris.
12:11 - Dead mom humor. Not like, funny dead mom humor though.
12:14 - Hes talking about the haters. Hes talking about all the hate sites and as he says "theres like 87 Dane Cook Sucks sites" and the crowd is booing and making the sounds you'd make if you were there when someone who like leads your villiage or underground resistance group offered to sacrifice themself for the good of the people.
12:18 - Alright, I like the way he dealt with hatemail. Long story short, a guy told Dane his parents died to get away from his shitty comedy and then when the haters dad got a brain tumor he apologized. Dane wrote back to him saying "Your dad got a brain tumor because he was sick of his alcoholic, jobless, spineless shitty son."
He's so edgy!
This is something Louis C.K. would have done better. His audience probably thought that was so shocking and brutal because they're completely unfamiliar with Louis C.K., Jim Norton, The Opie and Anthony show, et cetera.
12:27 - Women are crazy lolol!!1!
12:29 - As hes saying nothing worth mentioning, I'll point out that he looks to be in fine shape. Dana Gould said in an interview the other day that hes never understood the "cool" comics. No one should ever be talking about a comics delts.
12:35 - He says hes put a remote in a girls vagina. For comedic effect(imagine that), I won't explain the context.
12:39 - "So I was masturbating violently the other day." This would be funnier to me if I weren't so dissensitized to a guy talking about masturbating given how much I listen to Adam Carolla.
12:43 - Hes got a solid yelling voice, I'll give him that. His intensity is intense, even though it falls short of being funny.
12:44 - Grilled Chicken Burrito at Taco Bell. 89 cents. Yes.
12:48 - Actual funny story about him and his ex-girlfriend role playing by acting out a horror movie. Ends with a "now you hang up" line that has been used...a lot.
12:50 - First thing I've really laughed at, a commerical for "UP." An old man in an argument with a massive fictional bird. Comedy Gold.
12:53 - Dane discusses YouPorn. He makes a good point about it, mentioning that the titles of the videos are insane. I personally find YouPorn to have the most poorly lit, poorly shot, disgusting videos on the entire internet. There are better sites. I like Tube8. Less catchy name. YouPorn is only popular because of the name. Its not even that good of a name, it doesnt even rhyme with tube. Its like people who hate bands and try to force "gay" into the band name even though it makes no sense. Avenged Sevengay.
1:00 - While I was writing that last paragraph I missed the rest of what he was talking about. I'm pretty sure it doesn't matter. Futurama is on. All if right with the world.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
.JPG)
